عناقيد ضوء

 

 

 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me recently, but Im feeling really down and lonely. As if my heart is dying; and when my heart aches, my mind stops. I don’t know if it it’s a women “thing”, but I just cant think staright when I’m emotionally in pain. So,  in attempt to find out what’s really bothering me, I sat down and started to write. Didn’t really have anything in mind other than pouring out my heart on the page. I don’t know how, but I ended up writing this:

 

 

 

Why do you want to be in love and get married?

 

- I think it’s time to build my own life. To be completely independent and have my own space and privacy , have my own house and my own salt and paper set. If you are not a Saudi, you probably wont understand how the hell a person, especially a woman,  can be independent in a relationship! Absurd, but true

- At times I feel, so weak … I don’t think I can make it on my own.. everything in my life is just driving me crazy

- when I get back from school, I want someone to cuddle me really hard and tell me” don’t worry , it’s ganna be ok… I’m ganna kick this professor’s ass )

- I want someone to read for and to read for me

- I want to tell my classmates at school ” I cant study with u guys, my hubby is waiting for me at home ,” and to tell my boss at work ” I cant take the night shift , I’m married “

- I wanna forget to charge my mobile, to check my e-mail, empty my Inbox and call mama

- I wanna gossip with someone , tell him all my silly stories and adventures ( like the tuna sandwich that caused me gasses, and how sad I am bzc I broke a nail) , and he’d be listening to me as if im reciting poetry

- I wanna someone to like my belly

- I wanna to miss someone  and be missed, love and be loved, care and cared of

- I wanna wake up in the middle of the night feeling cold .. I get closer to him .. take a deep look at his sleepy face in the dark … hold his hands… and think I don’t care if I waked up tomorrow morning only to find ppl throwing stones at me as long as he is next to me

- I want someone to fight with when Im mad… tell him all the crazy bad language I know without the fear that it would damage our relationship bcz he knows that its my demons talking

- I want someone to eat ice cream  with while watching Oprah

- I want someone I can tell him I Love u, I Love u, I Love u, I Love u all day long

- I don’t like to make up my bed ..  I want to be with a one who does not bother about the bed but about me …

- I want someone I can think about when im in a lecture and extremely bored, to write his name on my book and draw hearts around him

- I want someone to call my name all day long ” DAREEN where is the my new jeans ..  DURRAH im hungry… Galbi its  time to sleep”

Well, the list goes on and on but I cant finish it because I’m now more depressed than ever :\

 

 

 

 

Now if you excuse me, I have some veins to cut